Halle Berry - circa 1985, Miss Teen All America Pageant.

Found this on YouTube today. It's funny. It's a totally different Halle that we see today. The hair - oh my god! This performance tops her Oscar acceptance speech! haha!

I want Yakult... I want 2nd round...

Below are some excerpts of conversations between me and Steven yesterday night....

11:15pm....

Steven : I'm going to the fridge to get some Yakult. You want some?
Me : Err... the last bottle's gone. Remember this morning I brought it to you in the car?
Steven : So fast one? (*pouting*)
Me : You really want it now? It's kinda late but if you want it now lemme go to 7-11...
Steven : (*still pouting*) Nvm la....

5 minutes later while watching TV in bed....

Steven : (*in his childish voice*) I want Yakult....
Me : Just now say dun wan?
Steven : (*still in his irritatingly childish voice*) I want Yakulttttt....
Me : OK, get up and change. We're going 7-11 now.
Steven : Huh? Sure or not? Late already wor....
Me : You want your Yakult or not?
Steven : (*smiling sheepishly*) Nvm la...
Me : OK, I want Yakult now. Get up and change. We're walking to 7-11.
Steven : Hehe... why you love me so much one?
Me : Grrrrr.....

The things that you do for love. Come to think of it, sometimes Steven really likes to bug me this way a lot.... especially when we're in bed about to sleep. I think that's one of the little things that makes me love him more and more. He's just so cute when he does that....

We ended up getting 6 bottles of Yakult and a bottle of green tea... and also detoured to have some late supper - chee cheong fun. Fat! Fat! Fat! So much for our resolution to lose weight and diet :P

Anyway, somehow or rather I feel nice, comfortable and serene walking to 7-11 and back to the condo at midnight with him, his hand on my shoulders and just talking. I guess that's what they call love. Kinda romantic, hehe (*anymore of this mushy things i'm gonna puke - LOL*).

12:45am....

After the supper and the 7-11 thingy (and most probably the green tea), can't get ourselves to sleep. Been tossing and turning and still can't zonk off....

Steven : (*whispering*) I want 2nd round.
Me : What? Not scared fat ar?
Steven : No... I want naughty naughty 2nd round.
Me : Huh? Siow ar? Tired la... tmr working some more...
Steven : (*in his irritating childish voice again*) I want.... I want....
Me : Dun wan la... tired...
Steven : You dun love me anymore (*pouting*)
Me : Ok la ok la (*mumbles*) .
Steven : Hehe.. joking only la.
Me : Grrrr...
Steven : Good night!

5 minutes later...

Steven : Oi...
Me : What now??
Steven : You remember when we first started going steady?
Me : Wait... (*flipping through calendar on my hp).
Steven : Huh? You remember one ar?
Me : Of course! April 29th...
Steven : Hehe.. you really love me!

Now, knowing that he's not the sort to remember details - REVENGE TIME!

Me : Since we're on that topic, I wanna ask you something.
Steven : Uh-oh, die liao...
Me : Huh? Some questions only ma... scared ar?
Steven : I'm tired liao la, wanna sleep.
Me : Wei!
Steven : Tired la... you're working tomorrow also. Ask tomorrow. Go sleep.
Me : Grrr... ok, I ask you tomorrow.
Steven : Good night!

Can't wait till after work today to interrogate him. Heehee....

Dr Jeckyll & Mr Hyde.../CD shopping spree!!!!

Here's my brain in Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde mode :

Dr Jeckyll : Been busy lately.
Mr Hyde : Lame excuse!
Dr Jeckyll : Really!
Mr Hyde : Yeah, rite!
Dr Jeckyll : No time to blog la...
Mr Hyde : But you have time searching for XXX stuffs online???
Dr Jeckyll : Where got??? (*fakes surprised look*)
Mr Hyde : You're just a lazy slob....

Well, sometimes my brain does that to me. When it's switched to automatic gear, both gentlemen will come out at once and create havoc to poor me :(

Sometimes i just do not find any mood to blog. Maybe i'm not a natural when in comes to writing. I have things that i wanted to write in my blog daily but somehow when it comes to the actually writing - most of the time i'll be stuck in front of my laptop. Sigh... blogging is not as easy as it seems to be....

New year resolution #1 (Mr Hyde - What? It's only mid- Nov!!!) : Gonna make blogging a habit. It gets easier with practise.

*mind's talking : gotta blog... gotta blog... gotta blog*

Blogging aside.... I've been bad this month. It's only the 18th of the month and the month's CDs damage so far - 4!!! Jeez, I gotta stop buying so many CDs... It doesn't help that I only buy originals. It's eating into my monthly budget all the time. Can't help it - i just need to buy those CDs!!!!

*mind's talking : gotta have self-control... gotta have self-control... no more CDs till Dec... no more CDs till Dec...*

First purchase of the month - The Twelve Inches of Bananarama.
It's the most expensive of the lot - bought it off the net cos it will take the stupid recording label in Malaysia forever to bring it in. Or worse, sometimes, some titles may not even see the daylight on Malaysian shore. Now now, the title may sound obscene (well, it's got 12" and banana - LOL). It's actually a collection of extended versions and remixes of Bananarama's from the 80's and 90's. The damage - almost RM60 (8 pounds ++). Still consider them one of my favourite. In fact, their's was the first album that i ever bought - their Greatest Hits Collection on cassette when i was 11. I just love them!

Second damage - Jamiroquai's High Times : Singles 1992-2006.
Don't really like Jay Kay's personality and his image but some of his songs are really cool and a class of it's own - Jazz-funk. Didn't want to buy full-set albums of his thus I've been waiting for this collection for ages!

Third damage - George Michael Twenty Five.
Another greatest hits of sort CD from the gay one. No idea why I bought since I have the Best-of album released almost 5-6 years back chucked somewhere in my CD shelf. Well, this collection's not really that extensive - some of his best stuffs (and my favourite) are NOT included - Hard Day, I Want Your Sex, Star People, I Knew You Were Waiting For Me, etc. Well, can't complaint much though as this collection includes stuffs released after the first Best-of collection was released + a few songs from his Wham! days.

Final damage for Nov'06 (I hope!) - Wicked - Original Broadway Cast Recording.
I actually had this CD two years back. Somehow or rather I think I misplaced it or lost it - can't seem to find it anywhere. Bought it then after I saw it at the televised Tony Awards. I was sooo smitten by it. It's actually the prequel to The Wizard of Oz - a broadway theatre adaptation of the book. I just wish they will bring this to Malaysian theatre - sigh.... I saw this when I went to buy George Michael's yesterday. Thus, another damage (*bank account's sobbing*).

Well...hope no more damage till December.
(Mr Hyde : Heh, i don't think so....)
(Dr Jekyll : Shut up Hyde....)
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p/s : can't seem to post pictures up - neither straight from MyDocument nor from URL works. Anyone can help?

Cooking!

This post was intended before the post on my Dad but due the happening's then, this was delayed. Then, some bloody technical problems that caused the pictures not able to upload (grrr.....) after numerous tries further delayed this. Hope it works today (*crossing fingers*). Anyway... here goes.....

Date : Saturday, 28th Oct 2006
Mission : Cook up a dinner for 3

Being together for almost 7 months, my babie Steven and I have not really tasted each other's cooking before. After bragging about how great our cooking skills are (the bloody egos....), it's time to put our culinary skills to the test.

Things didn't start off quite well. The third person - my dear collegue Pat - bailed out last minute leaving only the two of us too cook for ourselves. Well, there goes the judge.....

First up - groceries shopping!

My favourite part. We went over to Carrefour as it has everything under the sun to cook up a storm and it's cheap and it's near my place. The shopping itself started kinda weird. Steven went over looking for a trolley and guess what he ended up with? He got us a trolley with a a small colourful orangey buggy car attached to the front meant for shopping with a kid-in-tow. Obviously we got stares from everyone. Two guys, with a trolley meant for shoppers with a kid-in-tow, bickering while shopping over what to put intp the trolley, what size to buy... did we just announced to the world that we are gay?

Now, Steven can be quite a pain in the arse when it comes to shopping. Every island that we moved to, he wanted to put something into the trolley. And everything has to be in size XL.... we were cooking for two, not for a whole refugee camp!!! In the end after putting and exchanging of the stuffs of various needs and sizes, the damage - approximately RM60++.

Next - preparation.....

I'm gonna save the gross part of de-boning, shelling, cutting and cleaning... By the way, I have forgotten what dishes we were about to cook. Here's the menu of the day :

- Sweet and Sour Fish (I cooked this!!!)
- Broccoli with Prawns (I cooked this!!!)
- Chicken with Mushroom thingy (Steven cooked this....)

Here are the pictures of the raw ingredients :

The fish - all cleaned up.

The broccoli and some green capsicum all soaked up taking their nice bath....

The shelled prawns (my hands smelled like a dump-site after shelling them - blerghh).

Not pretty ain't it? The chicken in a pool of marinades (i.e. curry

leaves, sesame oil, soy sauce, chinese cooking wine, pepper, etc...)

I like this picture :) ..... Some tomatoes, onions, garlic and lemon (for the juice of course).

The end result......

An hour later after getting the whole kitchen smoky and lotsa spillage and getting ourselves dirty - the result :

Broccoli with Prawns (this one's nice!)

Sweet and Sour Fish (by the way, the fish was hidden under all the onions, tomatoes, coriander and sauce).

And finally... the Chicken and Mushroom thingy (Steven cooked this!)

Nice! These can actually stuff 3-4 persons - overestimated :P

20 Minutes later.....................

We still have half of the chicken thingy left in the fridge growing mould (hahaha!)

Conclusion - I am a better cook than Steven!!!!!! And you end up with two over-stuffed gay guys.....

Dad.....

Yesterday I was with my Dad almost one whole day. I took a day off to accompany him for his CT scan. Spending the whole day with him was something that I have never done for a very very long time. Somehow or rather, i feel that my Dad now is not the same as before.

I wasn't really close to my Dad all the years that I was growing up. In fact even now we are not really close but of course better as compared to when I was still living at home. He was never really one who assist on homeworks, he never gave pep talks, didn't actually spend time for family days - those were Mom's job. I always consider him as this authoritative figure that my brothers and I respect all the while.

I never really actually thought that my Dad will be "old". Yesterday was an eye-opener for me. I realised that his movements are becoming slow; his memory is not as good as it used to be, his hearing is getting bad and he looks so fragile. I have not actually fathom this fact yet. How did this happen? I still have not gotten over the fact that he is actually having cancer. My Dad was a strong, independant person.

It scares me knowing the fact that this is happening and there will be a day that my Dad would eventually have to be dependant on me and my brothers. I'm not prepared for it yet.....

So Dad, these are the words that I want to say to you but i can't bring myself say them to you....

"Dad, I know that I have not been a good and filial son. There are a lot of things that I should have done but I did not. I wish that I can give you and Mom a better and good life as both of you should be enjoying the fruit of your labour in raising 3 boys. I still remember how we as a family got by with whatever little that you've provided us. I may not get the video game that I asked for; I may not get the mountain bike that all my friends had then and I may be using all the hand-me-downs from koko, but I am grateful that you have brought to where I am today.

I'm sorry for all the time that I have caused you pain and heartache;
I'm sorry for all the time that I went against your wishes and disobey you;
I'm sorry for all the time that I have lied to you;
I'm sorry for all the time that I have disappointed you.

And I'm sorry for being for being gay.... I hope that you'll never live to to find about this knowing that it will cause you more pain, heartache and dissappointment. I hope one day you'll find that you're happy with my life and at peace with every choice that I've made.

I can never really say this to you but I really would like you to know that I love you."

Dunno why I'm so sappy today.....

some mumblings... bout some toys and trinkets...

Have not blogged for quite a while... Dad's ok but dunno what's gonna happen when the radiotheraphy starts next month...

Anyway - gotta think positive :) Everything will be just fine.....

Lemme just talk bout some of my toys and trinkets.... you must be wondering why a bloke's having soft toys - well, i'm gay aren't i???? LOL.... Well, these are not big soft toys - just small trinkets that you can put on tables and on top of the tv set.

First up : My little Moosey....














He was a gift from a friend when she went over to Canada. This baby's actually a moose. Can't find any name for him thus ended up calling him Moosey - i like the name anyway. I keep this in the office - bad choice.... You see, the psychopaths in the office have a tendency to kidnap him for a few days and then return me - without me even noticing it most of the time!!! One time I actually have to hide Moosey in my drawer for 2 weeks cos i found out this crazy colleague of mine kidnap him most of the time. Crazy cow......

Next : My Office Gossip Teddy














Three very mean colleagues actually gave me this on my birthday (in 2003 i think). The Teddy's torso says : "Office Gossip Department" - which basically means yours truly - ME!!! Somehow or rather first hand news usually come my way first. If you think CNN.... well, i'm worse than that - let's just say I'm comparable to UK's The Sun newpaper :P

Next : My office desk's trinkets......















This is one corner of my desk in the office. The trinkets are actually from all over the world. Let's see.... there's Moosey from Canada.... there's the bottle thingy from Hong Kong.... there's a pair of teeny weenie porcelian clogs (dunno if you can see them; next to the bottle thingy) from Holland.... the white birdie/partridge thingy from Bangladesh... the red dangling thingy from China.... the green letter opener from New Zealand, a few postcards that i like....

Hmm... you wouldn't think that this is a guy's work desk would you eh?

bad day.... of burps, passing gas, chest pain and cancer...

Yesterday it was the darn hiccups... Todays it's the bloody burps. I've been burping since i woke up this morning up till now!!!!!.... and it smells terrible.... and i keep passing gas... urrggghhhh!!! It's fortunate of the ppl in the office that i am on MC today.

Chest pain - still there on and off
Stomach discomfort - still having it since morning
Appetite - real bad!!!!
Burping - i think I'm on avarage 25 burps per hour... urrgghhhh!!!!
Passing gas - still having them......

The worse news came to me just prior to noon. Got an sms from my brother...

Bro : It's cancer stage T3

It's my father. My worse fear has come. It never really occured to me how it will hit us when you hear ppl telling you their spouses/parents getting it.... until it really happens to YOU. I was blank for at least half an hour. Didn't know what to think, didn't know how to respond, didn't know what to do next....

Have yet to tell Steven... probably will tell him tmr when i pick him up from Puduraya.

There's so many things on my mind now - i'm lost.

hiccup... hiccup....

I've been hiccuping one whole day..... I haven't the faintest idea why is this happening - too much wind in my tummy? pls pls pls pls.... pls go away you darn hiccups!!!

Went to see a Dr today for a 2nd opinion on my chest pain... the same thing was mentioned as my previous Dr - probably just some muscular pain in the sternum.... this time around, she's sending me to do extra tests next week - X-ray, ECG, etc.... my first time doing ECG!!!

Am i worrying too much? am i having too much stress?.... sigh, at times i want to think that it is not work related.... another staff tendered today... 2 down... 1 more to go....

The darn hiccups' still won't go away!!!!!! urrrgghhhhh!!!!!!

how i have abandoned you my dear blog...

I totally forgetten bout this blog of mine till somebody gave me his blog addy to view. Not that i wrote anything that was significant - only one miserable post prior to this.... Guess I am not much of a blogger am I?

Lotsa things happened since the last post waaaayyyy back in Feb. The important ones are :

#1 - I finally gotten over Jo. He never did reply any of my sms-es, e-mails, etc. What a jerk! (Actually I kinda forgotten bout him until I went through this blog again)
#2 - I re-bounded.
#3 - If not because #1, I would never meet the best thing that ever happened to me so far this year - I met Steven (Mr S to some...)

Hope Steven be back soon.... 3 more days to go.... :(

this is how i look like...

Single again....

Jo left me a few weeks back, just a week before chinese new year. I can't talk to nobody cos they just won't understand. Can a 3 mths relationship hurts so much? It doesn't matter how long the relationship lasted - it still hurts no matter what. This is a first time that felt how hurtful it is to get dumped when you are in love so much with a person. How can somebody be so cruel and just make a 180 degrees turn in a matter of a few days. Jo was still asking me to make arrangement to watch "Memoirs of a Geisha" two days before he dumped me. What hurt most is the way he ended the relationship :

A short sms - "I hope you are ready for this... I would like to end the relationship. I had a long thought bout this. I did have fun with you but it's all over now. My apologies."

Am i ready to get dumped??? Did he actually think anyone would be ready for it??!!!??! To make things worse, he didn't even have the balls to tell it directly to my face. He switched off his phone directly after that sms was sent. I tried one whole day to call him but it went to his voice message. That was it - I was out of his life there and then - with no reasons given what-so-ever!! Why did he do that? Left me in the cold with more questions and no answers, I didn't even know why i got dumped!

Didn't sleep for two nights after that. Damn tired but just couldn't sleep. Cried my eyes out the first day. Did a lot of thinking in that two days. I didn't call Jo after that. I reckon that even if i were to call, he will not pick up his cellphone knowing it's me. Even if i'm calling elsewhere he may just cut me off if he know it's me. With him doing that, it just shows what kind of a person he is. He's just a gutless jerk who's not matured enough to deal with relationships....

Thinking back, probably I was being too clingy and wanted too much of his time. Maybe not - i mean we don't see each other everyday - mostly weekends. Is that too much to ask for??? I guess my friends are right - maybe it's a blessing in disguise. He's not worthy of me. I deserve someone better than him...

Relationships are so superficial.... especially between gay people like me. It's hard enough being gay - the fact that most gay relationships doesn't last makes me even more sceptical. When will i be ready for a re-bound? Only God knows....